matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
