we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
