If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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