i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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