so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
