...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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