Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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