smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
