I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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