I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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