Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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