i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
