It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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