Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
