he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
