He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
