Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
