Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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