have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
