Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So vagazzling was a success
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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