There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
