somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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