don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
jump out the window naked night went bad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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