Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
