do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
