And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
