It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
