Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can Purell be used as lube?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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