I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
