There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize