Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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