I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
