i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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