Please, let me fuck your mom
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
