And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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