He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
