does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
