just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
