i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
