whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
