If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
