Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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