4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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