I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
