I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
