so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
