Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
