You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
