...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize