What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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