The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
