sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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