ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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