Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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