areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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