I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize