Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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