are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
third nipple confirmed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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