So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
