Got a toothbrush?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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