We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
