Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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