so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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