i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
