I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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