and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she smelled like a LAN party
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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