I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
