Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
