I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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