You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
