He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
