So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
