just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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