you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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