My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
