She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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