i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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