id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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