If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
