How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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