all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
