I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
