No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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