I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
