I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
