Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
