you guys were way drunker than both of me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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