that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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