Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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