I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
