Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
