So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize