I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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