Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
