His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
