i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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