he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my being single is dangerous.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
