Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
