Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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