I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Alive.
So much puke
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
