Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
