You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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