Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
